Any Season Good for Forgiveness
The recent political environment has created opportunities for friction between friends and families. I’ve seen a lot of posts on social media about how to survive the holidays in a conflicted family. I’ve also heard stories and had my own experience of individuals unfriending friends and family members on Facebook because of “offensive” posts. And understand that by “offensive” I mean, anything you don’t agree with. All of this conflict has made me think about the need for forgiveness, even when there is not resolution of the issues that the conflict was about.
I think the biggest problem we have with forgiveness is that we think it should fix everything. “Forgive and forget,” we say. But that is not what forgiveness is about. In the Lord’s Prayer, we pray “Forgive us our sins (trespasses, debts) as we forgive those who sin (trespass) against us.” That’s a tricky one. I want God’s forgiveness, but I don’t necessarily want to forgive others. Sometimes it is just more satisfying (in a sick way, of course) to hold a grudge than to forgive someone for hurting us. But is that grudge-satisfaction of God? Or of a more destructive source?
I was reminded of the deep meaning of forgiveness when I went back to my 40th high school reunion in October. A woman I had know all of my schooling years and had always like, though we were not close friends, felt the need to confess something to me. First, you need to know that I was bullied when I was in 7th and 8th grade. A cheerleader decided I was the one to be attacked and led a cadre of girls to trip me in the hall, insult me to my face, pull things out of my hair, etc. The woman who approached me at the reunion was one of the cadre who once, according to her confession (and I believe her), had said something mean to me with the encouragement of the cheerleader. I didn’t remember her doing this and told her so. But the woman began to cry. She told me that she had felt so bad since then for having done that to me. She said she had carried it around for so long because she knew it was wrong and she just wanted — needed — to apologize.
I had not been prepared for this revelation, but I recognized the need. She needed forgiveness for a hurt she had carried around for 45 years–a hurt she put upon herself when she lashed out at me. In that sacred moment, I knew what needed to be done. I told her, “I forgive you.” It was a simple response to her very complicated need.
Forgiveness is not so much about being reconciled with someone else, as it is to be reconciled with yourself and God. Whether you have done something you regret or you have been hurt by someone else, forgiveness is the balm that heals our woundedness. Forgiveness is not easy, but in this conflicted time and every time, forgiveness is what we need to receive and to give in order to heal.